And I am not saying you are right, either. And my thoughts change, day in and day out. You may ask me this tomorrow and get a different answer. I am...unlike all of you. After all, I am only a Servant.
[A beat.]
I like you and Omi for altogether different reasons.
A hole is defined by what is around it, does it not? You are someone who exists as a hole does. You allow others to define who you are, because without that...well, you don't wish to think about what isn't there.
I don't need to know who you are, or even assume, because that's the kind of existence you have. By yourself, you would be nothing, just nothing at all, hm?
[Alright, he senses evasion is no longer working.]
I don't dislike numbers, exactly. But... before I had my hole, it wasn't a choice I got to make. I had to count. I had to do things three times. It didn't matter if it was important or distracting or I wanted to stop.
[Not that Douman truly understands the significance of this explanation, but they can comprehend the reality of it well enough. Their hand moves to stroke through Fukuda's hair, their voice a low murmur.]
Like a curse. Trapped in your own head by...numbers. Yes?
[Hm! He hesitates for a moment, because he's never thought of it quite like that before.]
... Aah. I suppose it did. [leaning a little heavier into the hand holding his chin in place, though also Douman should keep petting his head with the other hand?]
Maybe.... There's a lot of things I don't have... Before, people avoided me because my behavior was strange. Now they avoid me because of the way my face looks. Until I came here, anyway...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[haha what thoughts]
And I am not saying you are right, either. And my thoughts change, day in and day out. You may ask me this tomorrow and get a different answer. I am...unlike all of you. After all, I am only a Servant.
[A beat.]
I like you and Omi for altogether different reasons.
no subject
You say that, but I don't think you seem that different from any other person here, Mr Douman.
... Can I ask what the reasons are, though?
no subject
Ahaha. Ahahaha! [And just. Laughing loudly at that.] Oh, Fukuda. You don't know the half of it, hmm!
[And then a huff.]
It has to do with what kind of people you are.
no subject
But do you really know what kind of person I am? Or do you just think you do?
no subject
A hole is defined by what is around it, does it not? You are someone who exists as a hole does. You allow others to define who you are, because without that...well, you don't wish to think about what isn't there.
I don't need to know who you are, or even assume, because that's the kind of existence you have. By yourself, you would be nothing, just nothing at all, hm?
no subject
... A hole is a good thing, you know. It's something helpful.
[All serious again. He's not looking at Douman, though.]
no subject
Tell me. Tell me how a hole is helpful.
no subject
[Because that definitely counts as a real answer. Also no he is still refusing to look at the clown.]
no subject
[Yes, they will press this.]
no subject
[Is he just pretending not to understand because he doesn't want to answer? Who's to say.]
no subject
Tell me. How does the wind moving through your hole make you think clearer?
no subject
He looks up at them under clear duress.]
The numbers.
[Is this an answer?]
no subject
[No, Douman isn't releasing their grip, and their eyes, dark as sin, continue to stare.]
Like your beloved three?
no subject
[Alright, he senses evasion is no longer working.]
I don't dislike numbers, exactly. But... before I had my hole, it wasn't a choice I got to make. I had to count. I had to do things three times. It didn't matter if it was important or distracting or I wanted to stop.
no subject
[Not that Douman truly understands the significance of this explanation, but they can comprehend the reality of it well enough. Their hand moves to stroke through Fukuda's hair, their voice a low murmur.]
Like a curse. Trapped in your own head by...numbers. Yes?
no subject
[Leaning into the petting. It's easier to talk like this.]
But the hole changed that. That's why it's important.
no subject
[What a drastic way of solving things.]
You don't regret it, then. That hole saved your life.
no subject
... Aah. I suppose it did.
[leaning a little heavier into the hand holding his chin in place, though also Douman should keep petting his head with the other hand?]
no subject
What do you want now, though your curse has been broken? Something to fill the hole?
no subject
Nnnn.... Not exactly... I don't know if I can really put it into words, the feeling I have.
no subject
Do you simply...want for the sake of wanting?
no subject
no subject
Isn't that nice, Fukuda?
no subject
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)